I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
