dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
