I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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