Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
