Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
