Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
