Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
