pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We got so high we made milksteak
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
