We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize