I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
