Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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