i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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