so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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