This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
