Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
