Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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