Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
