Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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