Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
