i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
