I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
