Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
