Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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