We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
