I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
