Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there was a trapeze. enough said
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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