did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
