So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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