One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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