How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Who died my cat blue again?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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