Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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