Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
