totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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