i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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