Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
