we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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