speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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