winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
