just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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