I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
