escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
cat food counts as protein by the way
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
