tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
