ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
