So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
