Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize