watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
