i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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