Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
