A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
