tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
