Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize