My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
