And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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