Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
