mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
