Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
