he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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