Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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