Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
