Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
