you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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