4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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