how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize