he wants to bone in the snuggie
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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