I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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